Conversations with my alter ego:
I’m craving today. Cock- fuck- submission.
My last meeting with Mr. Construction was pleasant. He has a nice cock that I enjoy sucking- however the time spent was not as intense, not as aggressive as our first time together. Perhaps because I was rushed for time- or limited in what we could do. He is not a dominant lover, even if he was very aggressive with me the first time he fucked me.
Most of the weekend was spent wishing I was being fucked. Being pushed and pulled and smacked and spanked. I’m getting father from vanilla with every pull of my hair. Finding myself less satisfied in the sweet and tender and craving the physical and aggressive. It’s a dangerous path for me to walk, and I know that I could easily go too far. Keeping my heart closed off from the ones I love because that is a pain I can’t tolerate. Opening my body to pain that you can.
He wants to use me and let other men use me. Watch me fucking other men. Sucking cock and being fucked. He wants to tie my tits and slap them while I wince and maybe even cry from the sensitivity. He doesn’t want me to fight him. He has no desire to overpower me, he wants the submission I will gladly give. The injury I sustained last week to my back and shoulder was proof of that. I know what to say if I want him to stop or slow down. Instead you instinctively blocked his hand as he spanked my ass to a bright red. So he pulled it behind your back, and pinned me down. He will break you of you bratty nature, this is for sure. And while I have no love for Mr. Park, there is respect and trust and that is the next best thing.
In the absence of emotion, I crave submission. In the absence of love, I crave pain.
I need to be hurt today. I need to feel it. My scalp needs to ache from my hair being pulled to the edge of break. My flesh wants to burn from the strikes against my skin. My cunt want to hurt from being fucked raw and sore. My body wants to ache from sore muscles pushing against his strong body.
I need that. Soon.
I cannot function in this tame world today. I need the comfort of the dark twisted cell of your true desires and I need get lost there. You won’t quiet me again.
I have fed the Beast.
She’s tasted it, and sooner or later she will consume me.